Right now I feel completely overwhelmed. I can’t exactly handle life. After spring break ended, all of a sudden everything started again. My emotions aren’t exactly in check. I’m a mess. I’m busy pulling myself back together, I guess. I’ve been lucky with grades recently. They’re starting to come up, and I’m getting on track, but I’m still stressed. I’ve got a long list of things I need to take care of. Papers, homework, paperwork, summer plans. I kind of wish I could spend what little money I have on scuba gear and a plane ticket, and simply leave. 

Alright, I’ve recovered. Wow. That was awful. I’m still alive.

I get these horrid feelings of depression every once in a while. They pass, but for an hour or two I feel like finding the nearest train tracks or razor blade. I’m not sure if this is caused by sugar imbalances or stress. 

I’m learning a few things right now. First is that protein is the best way to stifle cravings. If I feel like downing a bottle of soda and a pint of ice cream, what I really need is a cheese stick or a handful of nuts. I don’t know why it works, but I’m so, so glad it does. Second is that naturally sweet foods are ridiculously delicious. Like tea. And air popped popcorn. And apples. They’re so nice. And they don’t kill my energy like sweetened foods do. So yay. Third? This no sugar thing is difficult to do perfectly, and there’s no need to. Today I bought myself a croissant at a coffee shop, and Kentucky Blend tea (which really does taste like Kentucky, somehow. Magic.), and they offered me a chocolate coffee bean. Which I ate. And it was delicious. So even if my regular diet is like, 95% sugar free, one coffee bean is not exactly going to kill me. A half liter soda or a cup of ice cream every day might, but a bean? Not likely. 

Ordering tea at a coffee shop really is a bit of a bummer though. I was thinking of an unsweetened latte but that just makes me crave a mocha or a honey bear (a honey-vanilla latte). Which caused me to steer clear completely. I’d had two cups of honey-sweetened coffee for breakfast anyway (yes, my caffeine consumption is a bit insane right now) and so, se la vie. But mocha….

I’m keeping this up til Friday, this time. I figure I’m working so hard this week already, I’m gonna need a little bit of a reward by the end of it. Cake, maybe? 

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